Where can I read more about Positive Discipline ?

My personal favorites are:

• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish. It’s the best how to book I was able to find so far. Read our book review and even summary to print out and hang on the fridge for quick reference.
• I also absolutely adore their (Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish) Siblings without Rivalry – in similar easy to read format, with summaries and cartoons, and helpful not only to resolve issues with our kids, but with my own family as well!

We had a rear and wonderful opportunity to spend the weekend with friends. Aaaah, the awesome pre-children days (did they ever happen?), when we could spend so much time just chatting, admiring the nature, the music… Now most of our friends are getting kids of their own and we finally get to see them more often: our kids enjoy a playdate; parents, as my teenage nephew put it – enjoy hanging out together. Though, I’ve got to admit that this time we came back with really mixed feelings. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Aha, another terrific book on positive discipline. I thought, that if you read one good book, you’d be as good as it gets. Apparently not: I still often feel the urge for a good old fashioned yelling, stomping my feet and loosing my patience. I try to avoid all of the above. Yelling feels good… but often comes with a nasty friend: guilt. That one is eating her prey raw… My kids long since forgotten and I am still torturing myself… But why, why, why do parents get to feel so frustrated and annoyed when we love our kids more then the life itself? We are ready for every possible sacrifice for them… and just as ready to strangle them with our own hands at some point. I guess, most important question is – what do we do about it.

Spanking – this is a highly debated issue. Some believe a good swap on the butt can’t do any damage. Some believe that the damage can be quite substantial.

The study is published in the September/October issue of Child Development is analyzing if the spanking one year olds can result in a more aggressive behavior as the children grow. The researches noticed that spanking is considered more appropriate in the low income families, then in high income, so 2,500 white, Mexican American and black children from low-income families were analyzed. The low income families have been chosen also because some behaviorists claim that if spanking is considered to be a cultural norm, it doesn’t have an effect on the level of aggression in a growing child.

Apparently, these behaviorists were proved wrong.

Read more…

My baby is catnapping. It’s driving me nuts: I spend 40 minutes getting him to fall asleep, and then he wakes up 20 minutes later! He wakes up with a broad smile, his arms and legs wiggle vigorously, so I reluctantly take him out of the bed… just to have a very cranky baby hanging on my shoulder until the rest of the nap. How come?

First of all, I refuse to try “cry it out approach”. It is harmful for baby’s development, his confidence, his future. You can see more here: “Crying it out” may damage baby’s brain.

I do. I really hate to say the word “NO!” Yet I don’t believe in anarchy – saying “yes” all the time is just as troublesome. Or even dangerous! How do you say yes to a kid, who is about to run over a busy intersection? How do you say “yes” to a toddler who is about to sample some household chemicals into his mouth? How could I say “yes” to my own two year old who got very upset that I did not allow him to cut my tablecloth with scissors?

As much we dislike it, we absolutely SHOULD talk to our kids about sex. Unless, of course, you prefer some Mr. Know-All enlighten your innocent little one on a school bus. Here you can find some suggestions and resources that I could find on this topic.

My friend just shared a fantastic story about her own kid:

My friend’s 7 year old, Jacob, comes home from school, rushes over to mom and screams excitedly: “Mom, where did I come from?”

Books

The most useful book in a world: “What Babies Say Before They Can Talk : The Nine Signals Infants Use to Express Their Feelings” by Paul Holinger, Kalia Doner, when your baby grows up a little “Playful Parenting” by Lawrence J. Cohen. You man also find these recommendations helpful: Toddler issues book recommendations, For older kids, siblings, etc: Positive Discipline Resources. General information about the first years of baby’s life: I constantly refer to What to expect of 1st years. I disagree with some of its points on punishment and letting the baby cry it out, so Dr. Sears “attachment parenting” approach seems more reasonable to me: The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two.

Now there is a scientific evidence, that concentrating on positive feedback with our little ones works better then pointing out their mistakes!

Eight-year-old children have a radically different learning strategy from twelve-year-olds and adults. Eight-year-olds learn primarily from positive feedback (‘Well done!’), whereas negative feedback (‘Got it wrong this time’) scarcely causes any alarm bells to ring. Twelve-year-olds are better able to process negative feedback, and use it to learn from their mistakes. Adults do the same, but more efficiently.