This is really tough! The worst is, we have to go through this one a few times per playdate, a few times per day, sometimes - a few times per minute. Some parents believe, that kids are not ready to share until they are 4 years old. I believe, if we want our kids to have playdates, playmates, friends... ever - we have to introduce the concept of sharing early on. Common, you don't want your kid to be not invited to playdate, since he never learned how to successfully resolve such conflicts!

We hold a lot of playdates in our house. We visit our friends a lot. Really a lot. Ever since my son was born. I believe in the importance of development of social skills... even over any other skills. So we've worked out a few rules for ourselves that, with love and lots (lots!) of patience, actually work.
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The general safety notion is to teach our kids to never to talk to strangers. But is it really so?

If our kids find themselves in uncomfortable situation, shouldn't they turn to adults for help - such as policemen, store manager, school teacher, or just a sweet lady? We don't want our kids to talk to strangers, but yet we do! If our kids get lost, shouldn't they turn to adults who can help them find their parents? Or if they find themselves in a dangerous situation, or if they find their friends in danger, or if there is a busy intersection... shouldn't they turn to a safe stranger?

We, ourselves send a mixed message to our kids: "Never talk to strangers", and then "Oh, she is too shy around people she doesn't know. Common, Grace, tell our nice neighbor what your name!.. Why didn't you call someone for help, when your sister broke your leg on the playground?"
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Creating More Nurturing Environments for Children by Pam Leo

A very nice article on how to set our kids for success: by surrounding them with love, rituals, sense of belonging - a nurturing environment.

"I found one contradiction to that theory that proclaims that we always have to acknowledge our children's feelings," - said my friend today. - "What if my Johnny says, that he is afraid to go into his own room? It's HIS room, he's been sleeping in it for his entire life! There is NOTHING to be afraid! I don't want to confirm his fear by saying that yes, it is indeed scary."

I was puzzled too.

So I returned to my favorite sources. First, in What Babies Say Before They Can Talk by P. Holinger, M.D. there is a whole chapter dedicated to fear. Fear is one of the only seven basic emotions that every child has from birth. Fear is nature's way of helping us detect and avoid danger:

Fear is an alarm bell and children ring it load and clear, perhaps they cannot protect themselves and they need to alert you to come to their assistance... When you are sensitive to the signal for fear and help resolve the situation, your child learns about fear and about regulating it - it is part of his emerging mastery of his outer environment and inner psychological world.(p. 189)
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Where can I read more about Positive Discipline ?

My personal favorites are Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen and What Babies Say Before They Can Talk : The Nine Signals Infants Use to Express Their Feelings by Paul Holinger, Kalia Doner
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My friend just asked me: my son is 8, is it the right time to discuss sex topic with him?

I think you should've started talking about sex even before this age. The importance of discussing sex with your child is like building a bridge between the two of you: it can eliminate so many problems in the future. But if you haven't, that's definitely the time to start!
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I found this article waaaay too important to provide everyone with just a link. You can find more information published in other resources at the end of the article. The original article is published in National Post (Canada).
Dr. Stephen Juan, National Post, Monday, October 30, 2006

CAN LEAVING MY BABY TO "CRY IT OUT" CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE?

Research suggests that allowing a baby to "cry it out" can cause brain damage. Some experts warn that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes extreme distress to the baby. And such extreme distress in a newborn has been found to block the full development of certain areas of the brain and causes the brain to produce extra amounts of cortisol, which can be harmful.

According to a University of Pittsburgh study by Dr. M. DeBellis and seven colleagues, published in Biological Psychiatry in 2004, children who suffer early trauma generally develop smaller brains.
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Here is a wonderful recommendation by Beth Garcia, from PositiveDiscipline yahoo group:

To me the majority of these names are just silly. I'd get silly back- "Tooshie butt!! Well, you better not call me an elephant!", "What? I can't believe you called me elephant, okay, just don't call me penguin". Eventually we're laughing and chasing and the whole thing has blown over. Now, for "shut up", we've been very consistent with telling him "that isn't a nice thing to say, you may say 'be quiet please', or 'I don't like what you said', etc.". Yes, my DH feels he gets too much power but it really does work for us.
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