This is a neverending topic. But recently there was a discussion on how to handle incredible tantrums that a 16 month old is throwing whenever he wants something. His mother was growing tired of her adorable baby turning into a shaking fists and creeching on a floor monster, who doesn't have the patience to wait while his mother is getting his juice from the refrigerator. Worst of all, trying to comfort him just extended his meltdowns.

Most of the advice were about the expectations: at 16 months old, kids have neither patience, nor other means of expressing their frustration, then by crying. Some are born calmer then others, some are more difficult to pacify. So, first and foremost, our tantruming toddlers are not trying to get onto our nerves. Quite the opposite - they are desperately begging for help - the only way they know. It is our job to help them learn the other way to express themselves, it is our job to help them learn to deal with their frustration, it is our job not to start tantruming and yelling ourselves.

How can we do that? Here are a few suggestions that turned up during the discussion:

• For my own son (now 22 months), the best thing is a constant narration from me + getting positive answers from him. I pretend he is not really throwing a fit, but instead trying to ask me something (actually, that's what happens anyway - he just lacks skills to ask without a fit): I usually translate it into "You want to drink! You want your water! You want to drink your water NOW! WATER! NOW!" My son eventually realizes that I've got his point and finally says (more likes whiny screaming) yes. Once I know he listens to me, I actually rephrase myself into the way I want him to say it: "Mommy, may I have some water, please?" By now he knows the whole "let's ask nicely" scenario very well, so he usually just nods and says "da". Nodding turned into his version of "please", "da" - into every other thing Mommy just said. Now he gets water, while I keep narrating, exactly the same as someone else already recommended to you: Mommy is going to the kitchen to get some water, Mommy is pouring the water, Mommy is bringing the water to her sweet thirsty baby..." Once I actually bring the water I continue "translating" what I would like to hear: "Thank you very much, Mommy! You are welcome!" After many months of this type of monologues, my son actually starting rewarding me (and others!) with another nod, that in his own language is a "thank you" at this point. In the end both of us are happy.

  Every kid is different, but usually a series of "yes" (actually "da" in his language) gets us out of the meltdown fairly quickly even if I am not ready to comply - e.g. when he wants to hold the car keys while I am driving. I can't give it to him. But after a serious of questions he gets an explanation why he can't hold the keys right now and when he'll get them again, and he is still happy to be understood. And if he is not.. well that's the "terrible two" meltdown that we started getting, so I just have to hold him on my laps and comfort him until he cried out all the overwhelming emotions that overtake him and he is ready to move on to something more fun (like finally drive to the playground). I know that sometimes crying is the only way for them to get over with those bottled up feelings... but I still would rather prefer we just came to some usual happy conclusion - it breaks my heart to hear him cry.

  I could be lucky - logic works for my son in most of the cases. I also use someone else's advice at this forum: I let him do the action he doesn't want me to do - if he doesn't want me to take the keys away, I ask him to put it to Mommy's hand all by himself. This "all by himself" principle works very well for us in most of the cases. Preparing him by telling things in advance, sharing our plans, and, in the worst case secenario - counting - helps us tremendously.

• Amy Makice also recomends to narate all the actions, plus she suggested to concentrate on the child's experiences then on your own feelings:

  "I turn into cranky mama when I start thinking about teaching him not to expect me to jump at his requests- I respond better if I have a different framework in mind- for example, "I'm teaching him that his needs will get met," instead of, "why isn't he morepatient?"

  When he gets older, you could also talk about matching feelings and expressions to experience- fe- we've told our oldest that one particular screechy voice he uses is to be reserved for when he's lost a limb, *not*for when he's thirsty. Mostly though, I like to think of the kids "catching"my calm, and *try* to guard against me catching their crisis. kwim? It's hard some days though, particularly when they are completely losing it about something that doesn't seem worth it to me. "

Please add your own comments and suggestions below! We all learn from each other!