Spanking – this is a highly debated issue. Some believe a good swap on the butt can’t do any damage. Some believe that the damage can be quite substantial.

The study is published in the September/October issue of Child Development is analyzing if the spanking one year olds can result in a more aggressive behavior as the children grow. The researches noticed that spanking is considered more appropriate in the low income families, then in high income, so 2,500 white, Mexican American and black children from low-income families were analyzed. The low income families have been chosen also because some behaviorists claim that if spanking is considered to be a cultural norm, it doesn’t have an effect on the level of aggression in a growing child.

Apparently, these behaviorists were proved wrong. “Even in a sample of low-income people where presumably it’s more normative to spank your kids, we found negative effects. Age 1 is a key time for establishing the quality of the parenting and the relationship between parent and the child,” said study author Lisa J. Berlin, a research scientist at the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University. “Spanking at age 1 reflects a negative dynamic, and increases children’s aggression at age 2.”

Interestingly, that researches have found out that aggression is not the only negative effect of spanking: delaying cognitive development comes hand in hand with it. The reason for effect of spanking on delays in intellectual development is not clear, but the truth could lie in the simple fact that parents resorting to spanking, are using less reasoning with their kids.

When it comes to yelling, spanking and other forms of abuse (I refuse to find other names for it), I support this second school of thought. If the parent, the one who is looked up as a role model, as a primary protector in this world can hurt you – then what can you expect from this scary and unfriendly world? If the same hand, that nourishes, can hurt and it is considered to be normal -then whom can you trust?

I think that bigger issues arise: the rule says “no hitting” for siblings, friends, strangers. Not for the parents. Therefore, “no hitting” doesn’t apply to the ones who are older. Sounds great: if a kid who is being spanked as a younger brother or a friend, he has a license to hit him as hard, and as often as he wants – older ones can hit! The rule applies only to those who are younger!

Even bigger issue arises: our kids learn how to handle difficult situation by our example. So by spanking them, we teach them to use aggression to resolve their troubles. And they we are surprised at the amount of bulling? Terrorist acts? Well, I am not going too far: terrorism, assault, abuse are all just other methods where aggression is considered appropriate against some group to get the message across. How does it start? By teaching a little kid, that certain aggression, certain abuse is totally permissible!

Isn’t it stepping a bit too far?

Elizabeth T. Gershoff, an associate professor in the department of human development and family sciences at University of Texas at Austin, said the study adds to a growing body of research showing negative effects of spanking.

“Almost all the studies point to negative effects of spanking,” Gershoff said. “It makes kids more aggressive, more likely to be delinquent and to have mental health problems. The more kids are spanked, the more they are likely to be physically abused by their parents. This does not mean everyone who spanks physically abuses, but that risk is there.”

Because children tend to mimic parental behaviors, it’s possible spanking “creates a model for using aggression,” Gershoff said. “Spanking is just hitting.”

Many parents continue to resort to this method as a tradition: “I turned out just fine, so I guess this parenting skill must be good!” – is a lame argument. Stop and think: how did you feel as a child, when your parent (or your brother) was hitting you? Scared? Humiliated? Angry? Helpless? Ashamed? Did it make you wish correct your mistake, or to seek revenge? Or to be more sneaky and make sure you are not caught next time? Or misunderstood? Whichever it is – it doesn’t seem like a good teaching method. Neither tells the child HOW to prevent this mistake from happening. Neither is a building his confidence, making your child feel loved and capable of correcting/preventing/improving.

There are many methods that have been used in the past, that have been thrown out of the window by the following generations. I believe this is just one of them. I really love the idea that I found on one of the Buddhist sites in regards to anger management: anger – is a bad adviser. By staying angry, you can’t think straight and find a good solution to the problem. It’s inefficient method of dealing with situation.

There are plenty of alternatives to spanking. I’ve got to admit, that in our everyday life, with constant lack of sleep and stress levels, staying sane can be quite challenging. Kids are remarkably good at keeping us on our wit’s end. Nevertheless, spanking is an unacceptable practice in our family. Anger – is an inefficient way of dealing with situation, so I am always on a lookout for a good alternatives. I keep a list on a fridge and we all run to get a glimpse at it once in a while. We are constantly adding more and more to this list…

Where can you get this list? My favorite books are “Kids are Worth it” by Barbara Coloroso, Adele Faber’s and Elaine Mazlish’s (How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk – see our book review and summaries) and Raising your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. My list is often a list of pages or keywords from anecdotes and stories used in these books. There are so many things you can do! There are so many options for avoiding spanking and gaining cooperation without the lifetime devastating effects that spanking (and any abuse) can bring! It takes more time to rant on rotten kids, then to actually read how to handle it better.

To read more on the research about spanking: YahooNews, Early Spankings Make for Aggressive Toddlers, Study Shows.